NOW IM SERIOUS

So ive been thinking and thinking and now im serious. I have to get thin and find a mate. Ive talking to a guy that wants to meet and go out. Thought that could be fun but im not ready caz i dont like me. And what does he say..... DAh DAh DAAAAAhhh. You cant be that fat its not like your 300 pounds. Ops. Well last night was the first night he did NOT call me to see how i was. suck monkey balls. So here i am im serious. Im telling my weight and im making a change. I was a bitch yesterday. And i sure showed it. Upset a friend caz i was so mean to him. I dont know maybe i was upset about who i am. but he told me some stuff and i was just mean so i had to come out of my shell and appoligize.

HEY THERE IS A WEBSITE CALLED SPARKPEOPLE AND ITS FREE JOIN. helps with weight loss. very cool. so heres an article that i found and i just loved it. so im posting it. from www.sparkpeople.com

So its time to come out with it IVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR.

So it's time to come out and admit it. I've been having an affair with my fridge. It started sometime in November or December, and slowly became more passionate until the recent Christmas break, when it moprhed into what could almost be called psychotic infatuation and criminal stalking. Needless to say I've been neglecting the gym as a result, and the gym has decided to take revenge. The first thing the gym did was tell my pants. My pants and I had really been getting on this year, they were comfy, they fit, I had new ones.... but maybe this was the problem. Maybe my pants were secretly getting nervous that as I'd discarded their predecessors so eagerly they thought they were heading for the same fate. So my pants listened to what my gym had to say and decided to take action. Then they told the scales. The scales were very upset and started saying horrible and nasty things to me. They told me I weighed 179 lb the other day, and only a couple of months ago I was 169. I was unable to convince the scales that my relationship with them should not be impacted by my relationships with either the gym, the fridge, or indeed my pants, but my poor scales are codependent and wouldn't listen. My pants by this stage had done all this in vain as I was now in the verge of dumping them and going back to find their predecessors, which to me were not only more comfortable, but far nicer. This was too much and my pants told my mirror. The mirror, never known for diplomacy, was blunt. It yelled at me YOU'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE FRIDGE. A BIG, LONG, PASSIONATE AFFAIR. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO EVERYBODY!! HOW COULD YOU? And every time I walk past the mirror, it yells it. Then of course, being an interconnected species, every other mirror in the universe got on the bandwagon, and now even when I'm washing my hands at work, the mirror in the ladies' bathroom yells YOU FOOD SLUT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH THE FRIDGE. ONLY A MONTH AGO YOU HAD CHEEKBONES BUT NOW YOU HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN! So of course I'm in the sh*t with pretty much every household appliance that doesn't live in the kitchen. Half my wardrobe is yelling at me. None of the mirrors like me either. So - I'm back on SparkPeople, I'm eating eDiets food, I've joined a heap of challenges, I've got my gym class schedule on my fridge and I'm signing up for a triathlon or two.

Life's Dreams

So I had the worse night. My dreams kept me awake.
First i dreamed I was at my parents house. It felt so real. like i was really there. and i recieved a phone call. which I think I was dreaming but it was all too real.
then I was in a huge ship and it was sinking. there were two adults and a whole group of kids. some of the adults took some of the kids into the water. my group stayed in the behind to find life jackets. I got the life jackets and started putting them on the kids, when i passed by a mirror. I looked into the mirror and saw that my hair was wet. the water started to come into the room. I looked closer and saw that under the top layer of hair the some of my hair was very silvery gray. My ex was standing by suddenly laughing at me. I thought about rubbing out the gray but the water was really coming in now. So i grabbed the kids and jumped into the icy cold water. then i woke up.

it was all too real all night. I still dont know if i had a conversation with someone or not. I feel like i had but i dont think i did. I think it was all a dream. now i have such mixed feelings.