ITS TIME FOR REVENGE

u broke my heart,u tore me down
flood waters rushed in, I almost drawn
so many wasted years, the pounds came on
the weight i gained, I wasnt strong
I could not stop
u got my best, i got your worst
i gave my love, u loved me not
i gave my tears, u laughed and sneared
broken and bruised,I packed my bags
i walked away,our lives i saved.
I stand today And make a vow
this weight ill lose, it wont hold me down
a walk today and tomorrow too
i'll do just what i have to do.
U no longer get the best of me
im going to be just who i want to be

NOT THIS TIME

Brian stop by with shit. i paid my support. bull shit. Sorry 195 a month for three boys is not support. u owe that a week. So explain to them when school comes and they are wearing clothes 2 sizes too small. When other kids get glue and paint and he get an empty page. How did it feel? i know u know as u were very poor. Y hurt your kids get a job and do what u must do. I do my part. hahh. u stop by 5 mins a month. and u bring your whore to ring the bell and beat on my door. its better that u pay your support and go live your life. we'll see u at graduation.

So here's to u big girl.

I should be stronger
this should be easy
Tears escape me everyday
i shouldnt feel so pulled away
away from the world
yes i locked me in
i cant face those people again
the sun is bright
it burns my eyes
i hear the voices
where is your guy
away on business
overseas
but the truth must come
Im sure youve seen
Hes here and there
hes found another
all i am is his childrens mother
im sure i did nothing wrong
hes been gone for so long
A wife i can no longer be
He decided he didnt need me
im wounded broken
but here i stand
to listen to how your being a man
u pay your support
u do your part
so here u come your so smart
youve broken me down
but to your surprise
this time i seem tall
my knees shook but i did not fall
U want to take my kids to play
want to know if they can stay
I refuse they are my joy
u see they are my little boys
U raise your voice
I start to yell
I stand my ground
u use your body broad and wide
though im shaking and scared inside
your not as big as u used to be
your not going to intimidate me.
If u want a fight then bring it on
otherwise go get gone.

If not me then who

I TRIED
When forever means till saturday nite
why should i even try.
I kissed a man
And gave my hand.
He smacked and beat me
yet here i am
despite all i choose to stand
to be free once again
And when the day comes that he dies
I'll stand tall and say I tried.

Wanted missing Father
In the night a child cries
His fathers gone but he didnt die.
He's gone faraway
thats where he'll stay
he chose a different life
Without his kids and wife.
to live young and free
thats just how it had to be.
mommy said be happy daddy didnt die.
but still at night that child cries.

Not Yet Born Not Yet Died
Somewhere a baby cries.
not yet born not yet died.
Her mommy wanted to hold her tight
but now she cries with all her might.
Give me please
what i need
a baby dear
to hold near
blue or green
doesnt matter to me
blonde or brown
she could even be a class clown
Please grant to me a sweet baby.
Somewhere a sister cries.
She doesnt understand why babies die.
So young and sweet and then their gone.
and all we're left with is a song.
A unsung lalaby that dewells within our sole
written but not sung for one we will never hold.
so in our grief we look up high
and ask once more for a baby's cry.
Together i chose to stand
And ask God for a baby girl or little man
to complete a mom and a daddy's plan.

My uncomplete song... Shut up and love me

Shut up and love me
i dont want fight no more
i know u were angry
when i walked out your door
our words turn to anger
and i cant handle that
so shut up and love me
just shut up and love me

I want to feel your arms
holding me tight
feel your head on my shoulder
all though the night
know you'll aways be there
when i need u most
so shut up and love me
just shut up and love me.

if forever never comes
and im all alone
will you run to be with me
someone to hold
will u wrap yourself around me
Make me feel safe.
But if just for tonight.
Just shut up and love me.

feeling the pull of another, without a response.

Dont you feel it.
that pull at night.
Somethings missing.
Somethings not right.
You hold your breath
And hope to hear
that gentle breathing of someone dear.
but silents swallows you
and darkness bites.
You pull the blankets around u tight.
A night light or two to light the room.
A kiss to someone faraway.
But still here you sleep alone once again
while shes holding your dear ones hand.

Tonight like many others i find myself alone wishing for what i know i cant have.
Not my past love. He will not surfise but a well missed love would be nice. Someone sweet with gentle hands. to hold me close to him. He'd always to me be true. Never venturing beyond my walls. Always here when night time calls. so warm and safe. So easy to want. A faithful companion for me to love. And in return love would flow from him. Is that all too much for me to hope to wish to beg for in this sad lonely life. that one day i would once again be someones adored wife and he my one and only man.

I'll Send a KISS to all i love, in hopes i'll soon fall in love. Goodnite everyone i love u all dearly and deeply.

How im adapting...

so today i have been feeling everyones anxiety. I have felt sick to my stomach all day. my blood pressure was 133/68 but my pulse was 74. maybe thats not weird but it is for me. All i want to do is cry. I touched the baby's face at lunch and had to chock back the tears. Joshua told me a joke and i almost bawled. Its just like the world around me is falling apart. And when i started missing my significate other well there he was walking down the road with his bitch and her new dog. Of course no kids were with them. So i have decided to lighten my heart by thinking about what i have and well we can never forget what i dont have.

My kids have...
1. no parent on parent fights. ( my kids dont have to listen to me and my husband fight all night or day)
2. food
3. Family
4. Pets ( even if they are fish well thats a pet)
5. Shelter (its not that nice but it will do for now)
6. Summer Fun


What i adore...
1. Watching my kids learn new things...
This week Owen started standing without holding on to things.
owen also can walk a few steps without assistance
Joshua is shaping up to his own starting to get smart. Wow im scared of his teen years.

2. trying new foods.
Owen: Lucky charms, Ice cream cones so cute
3. Sleep
4. AC
5. Freedom
6. Dreaming about the future i could have.

What i covet...sorry it happens... i guess
1. Love
2. A husband.
3. can i covet my own husband well that too.
4. A house
5. Happiness
6. Pleasure

What i desperately would love, but would also give me grief is magic. You know powers. Like the power to help people. Save people bring people back. Only problem is u cant help everyone and how do u choose who to help and who to not. Also then id have the problem of families who i didnt make it in time to save angry and ready for revenge. It would be so unfair to those in danger and to me to have to make the decision of who to help and who not to. and i might end up selfish. deciding to help my family and friends before strangers. Plus id be vain caz id be able to fix my hair and shave off my weight with a flip of my hand. touch my hair and its beautifully curled. A quick spin and id have small sexy hips and perky breast.

What would be so cool. transform into an animal u choose when u choose to. Like id be a lioness when in danger. then a bird to escape and hide what i can do from all.