Funny just in time for christmas

NOT FOR CHILDREN Turn AWAY NOW if you don't think you can handle it.

Here are some pictures I found online. Thought they were funny. NOt made for children.

Dirty Sex is for Diana. Cause you did me dirty at the hospital. Shame on you. But it was a great BURN. Don't ever share that story again though.

Santa reading note is for everyone. That was so perfect. Might leave that note for brian and cookies at apartment. He would eat before he read the card. It would be funny. He would have to think would she could she. Of course I wouldn't but pee down his leg could be funny. love ya

okay the turtles is for brian. If you know the story you'll understand. lol. DUUUUDDDDDDEEEE. Shame on those naughty turtles. look away kids look away.

Naked santa is totally for diana and cory. Forget gothic. lol. But please do not post those pictures. I really don't want to see. the bra picture that is still burned in my head is too much already. shhhh. i'll never tell. haahaaaahaaaa

See ya soon. Thanksgiving. If I don't see you happy thanksgiving.

I told brian if we don't see you happy thanksgiving, christmas and new years. He's working a lot.

Family. AAHHHHHHH!

So this weekend was great.
Brian had a meeting from 11-1 and then the rest of the day and night off. He worked well over 70 hours and was exausted. He called me at 9 am to talk. I was so confused. I hadn't even started my day yet. Yes Friday I got up late. I'm usually up from 7am to 8:30am. Well he was very excited. He was trying everything to stay awake. See he worked all night and got off at 5am. Then he had a meeting at 11am so he couldnt go to bed because then he wouldn't be able to get himself up. So he started to watch titantic and then leonardo Dicapro died and he was crying missing his family. Don't anyone tell him I said this. LOL. So he called me and said I don't want to die alone. Well just that night I was thinking the same thing. I was wondering if my Grandma Had felt sad when she was dying because she had no husband to be with her. Did she ever regret being with her husband. Of course I call him her husband because I have never met him. They divorced and she never spoke of him. WHen she died thought she was very senile.
Brian and I do that a lot. think about the same things around the same time. A month ago i was thinking. I should make some potato soup. I craved it so bad. NO not because im pregnant just because I wanted potato soup so bad nothing else tasted good. Well I hadn't seen brian all week and then he showed up on Friday and said. Im going to lose my mind. I've wanted potato soup all week. All I could do was laugh and kiss him. We do that all the time. Soulmates. lol
So he went to work and after we spent some time together. Then we all went to eat around 5.We pulled up to the restaurant and all the guys were asleep. I turned off the van and set listening to them softly breathing. Each taking their turn to exhale gently. It was so peaceful. The rain hit the roof of the van with a relaxing pitter patter. I just set there letting them breath in and out each others oxygen. This was my family. I watched brian sleep like I had done for 7 years and I knew I loved him. He is a part of my boys and I am a part of them and together in harmony we collided that night. I set for a long time. Till the cold came in the window. till The rain turned to ice. Enjoying what my spirit had missed. taking in the warmth of their presents. Allowing my heart to soak into them. My family.
Finally I started the van and drove to a restaurant. We had seafood. My boys love seafood. And cole slaw. Oh lots and lots of cole slaw. Oh yeah and josh ate a good deal of clams.
Then we all retreated back to my apartment Brian of course had an energy drink to stay awake since it had been Thurday since he last slept and it was nearly Sat. He had so much energy he put a tv stand together for me and set up the bed and never complained except to tell the boys to go to bed. He finished it quickly and without any mistakes.
then he came back to sleep on Sunday after work. It was such a great weekend. Fights were put aside we just enjoyed our family. I wish it could always be like that. calm peaceful FAMILY.

Oh yeah what you've been waiting for that I promised. My SmartAllic or should I say SmartAlex. Al is in a not listening mode. Something suddenly took over and he disobeys everything and just simply tones you out. So brian told him something and he of course did not listen. So brian said Al right now 1. And al replied. 2, 3,4, 5. All brian could say was smartallic.
I laughed and said yes he can count and he knows abcs. lol one smart 2 year old.

Mothers should be MOTHERS!!!

I thought I know which way to go. A door had opened and I could work full-time, but then I encounter a problem on the way. Maybe that is not a door for me. Today someone knocked at the babysitters door. Man Said is this yours. The babysitter look down then back at the other children. Surprised and upset she said yes. My son was found outside. It was around 50 something outside. I hope and he was near a busy road. WHen I walked in she said the door is locked because that Asshole went outside today. And she told me the story. That Asshole. Are you blaming my 2 year old son. Where were you when that Asshole was opening the door and going outside. She only had my 2 boys and 1 other boy. She didn't even know he was gone. Then while we were talking he got into the pills on the kitchen table luckly he only got the cranberry fruit pills. I said he can open bottles too. SO you have to put these up. I dont say anything because she is family. But I wont be taking my kids back. My husbands mother once watched my son and he fell in the little pool. And my littlest sister let him fall in the fish pond. Sorry but mess up and I don't let you watch my kids.

Now I dont know what to do. Do i trust my kids at a daycare or stay home. I put up an advertisment to babysit at my house but no one has called.
Maybe a mother should be a mother. I should be at home watching my own kids.
My husband has givin me another chance to live with him. Let the apartment go and move in with me. He says. No I want to be here. I need to be here. He doesn't want to help if I don't want to live with him. What will I do? let my kids die or get a job. Give up all the money I put in to live with my husband and chance the bad part of him coming out again. I don't really have to have a job yet. I guess. I just have to find a way to pay everything with what little I get each month.
Im just so upset. This should never have happened.
Today Grandma said my eyes looked tired. what does that mean. First someone asked me if my kids when to middle school when I was working at the middle school and then she says my eyes. look tired. I am tired. I don't sleep anymore. I lonely I need lovin. I want my husband but don't trust him. my kids are up all night it takes 2 hours for me to get them to bed. I get up very early. And it is not getting any better or easier. Yeah im tired but do I have to look it. I hate being me sometimes.
Big al is in the high chair he is turned around with his head down. I think hes sleeping. I'll have to get the camera so you can see. But too bad I can't download it because something is wrong with computer. B said he would look at it but hasn't yet. Something about a trojan horse keeps popping up.
Im going to take my anger out on the laundry that needs folded and put away.

Oh yeah wanted to add goals that I have reach.

1. Go to laundry mat with three little boys. 100% passed.
I finished drying 3 loads of laundry at the laundry mat with all three boys. NO problems.
2. get own place. 100% passed but hating it somewhat. but liking it at the same time.

A few future goals...
1. Get a new vehicle. Mine has had enough. Over heats for not reason. ugly as hell. Window wipers wont work or wont stop when they do work, shuts down while you are driving then immediately turns on again
2. Lose 30 pounds before New Year eve.
3. Work out differences with husband.
4. Get healthy!!!
5. Save up good amount to get a house. (very far in the future)

Which way do I go George?

I'm so confused. Make up your mind. One person says I just think that if you get past your differences and if he can be a good man then you too will be fine. I see the way you to look at each other. You are desend to end up together. YOu just need some work. Others are saying no it's not worth it. It will get better in time. Stay separated. Help. Which way do I go George? Which way do I go? IM so confused.
Okay so what is my heart Saying. My heart says I love bobo. I mourn him when he is not around. The day I left I mourned for 2 months. NOw when I have to let him go again. I mourn all over again. We have great times and we have lousy horrible very bad times. But I can only beg him to go to therapy so much before he gets mad and yells NO. There are always drugs but what kind. I don't want him hurt so he will be nice.
Well, I spend all day practially looking for christmas gifts. I just don't know what to get brian. I know what stuff I need but of course I feel guilty buying for me so I don't buy. But I just can't pin point what he needs. So today he said, I got your Christmas present it is so big. I know I thought I saw it on the microwave. He said I can't wait can I give it to you now. No I like to be surprised. "I hate surprises. I want to give it to you now." He says. No I want you to wrap it in pretty paper and wait to give it to me. Hes like a little kids. Oh yeah B got J a vsmile but forgot to put it in the closet to hide it and J saw it. So he started jumping up and down screaming a vpocket I got a vpocket so B told him Santa sent it in the mail as a early christmas present. I said no it's a birthday present. Since his birthday is closer than christmas. Then I scolded B with a look.

Oh and why am I so confused. B and I are talking again. We are trying not to fight. He gave me my keys back. I do miss him. He is working a lot. Got like 70 hours this week. I don't know how things will end up. But my heart is his. Have to get up at 5 so go. Love you all.

Any Thing But a Prank Call

Today I got in a big fight with Brian. he gave the word. No more us. The tears just keep falling. I am trying to keep busy but can't find away around the pain.
I grabbed the laptop. Today is the day. TODAY IS THE DAY!!! There it was a stranger's phone number looking back at me. Just call it I thought. Brian's voice in my head tried to discourage me. I had picked a name out of hundreds of names. but it felt right. No phone number or address. On the side it listed nearest relatives and every place this person had lived in the last 5 years.
So I looked up the relatives phone number. There I was with the stranger's number. I felt sick but forced myself to dial the long phone number. As I memorized the name and husbands name I tried to think what to say. Too late after one ring someone said Hello. 12 years ago me and Jackie would have replied Is your refridgerator running? Well you better go catch it. But today this phone call was different.
I barely got out a hi is B or J there. No the young man answered. So I struggled with the second question. Do you know if they have a daughter named _____. He said yes she's my step sister. Is she 26 or 27 years old. Yes around there. Is your family military? He paused and said yeah my dad was in the navy. You dont remember me you were very little is there a way I can get a hold of your sister. Sure I'll give you her cell number.
Courage. Have courage. I dialed the number. It rang. Then a familiar voice picked up but it had aged some. Hi I told her my madan name. Do you remember me? She was quite for a second then I realized she was laughing and in shock? She told me she had found my letter recently and was wondering about me too.
D I found her. I found Tanya. You many not remember her. But she loved you a lot. That's why she alway let you hang out with us. I'm sure you remember. Well I found her. It took all I had not to burst into tears. I couldn't believe after years of looking I had found her. She was like one of my sisters. She went everywhere wtih us. even called our mom mom. And here she was talking to me. I found out she has 3 year old twin little girls. And she is doing fine. It felt so good to talk to her again. After 14 years or so, she was where she had always been. I just had misplaced all her info.
Suddenly I shot back to the day I stood alone and watch the van leave. I was so heart broken when she had to move. I missed her everyday. Once we had always been together and then she was gone.
These memories made me realize I had been so mean to my sister. I left D out a lot. Which is probably why I want allowed to talk to her in high school. It just took growing up to realize that I love all my siblings we just are all so very different.